She stretches, black and wet.
The sand scratches her body.
She eats her home by moving,
Curving her only bone.
She does not eat the living.
That seep of blood is seeping.
This fresh of death is moving.
She eats the death and cold.
My heart is only seeming.
It listens, when it’s leaving,
It answers, when it’s laughing,
It wants the dark and cold.
Copyright Megan Kennedy 2010
youareuseless.wordpress.com 
The last two stanzas are particularly strong. I think what makes them work is that each line is a single short sentence. They build on each other really well. Would it work to make the first stanza similar in form? But the whole poem is good as it stands.
By: Carroll Boswell on September 16, 2010
at 4:58 pm
Hmmm. I didn’t say what I meant. The first stanza is also short sentences but somehow their structure is different. Maybe its three participles at the end of each line, followed by a line without out the participle. There is something forceful about that pattern….
By: Carroll Boswell on September 16, 2010
at 5:01 pm
nice..
By: fiveloaf on October 20, 2010
at 5:25 pm
wow that was just a lovely set of stanzas! well done!
By: southernmusings on December 20, 2010
at 3:46 pm
Great imagery! I’m trying to get more into emotional based rather than structural based poetry. I think that I’d like to see you take that even a step further.
By: Joe Labriola on February 2, 2011
at 4:42 pm